my photography thoughts and rambles and goals

hm, when i stop and think about it - i think my favorite thing to photograph is the way people interact with their environment. that's why i was so intrigued with created biographical styled photos in my friend's rooms. and this is why i love stalking people on the streets, not only because they fascinate me but i want to photograph an area. i don't like photographs without people in it. if i wanted to photograph the side of the building, i would wait in the bushes until someone walked past that wall. the reason i like street-stalking is just to watch people exist and thrive in their natural habitat.

so perhaps in college i'll explore this idea more, how environments influence their people, how people influence their environments, and simply just capturing the interaction, curiosity, and the aesthetics of it.

and as i've adventured further and further into the world of fotografi....i've realized how much i've come to dislike certain styles of photography. one half of me hates it simply because it's just a shot of a pretty girl, no big deal. but again, i am a filthy hypocrite and i do it myself sometimes. what i really admire and appreciate is when a photographer is able to take that gorgeous model and utilize their best features into something truly beautiful. so a lot of people i follow do this, even though the model is beautiful and contributes greatly to the photo's value - the photographer is the talented one that knows how to work the model.

but then again there are the people who solely rely on the beauty of the model for their photos, and that is shameful!

now, what i will ramble on next is simply my PERSONAL OPINION! (as is everything else) i have already stated that i am a hypocrite and i would love to shoot a ginger queen with icy blue eyes. but when i really think and dig deep into the reason why i photograph, i truly do not like the fashion industry or the beauty industry or any of these industries for that matter. sometimes all the photos people take are of skinny, beautiful, bright eyed beauties. everyone. is. beautiful in their photos. and for average people like myself, this sucks on the self esteem level. now, as 18 years old it doesn't really matter to me as much.....but as a young girl this was incredibly demoralizing. the media and society's emphasis on physical appearances and the need to be beautiful and perfect and fair skinned and pretty eyed was so strong that i hated how i looked for such a long time. i couldn't be beautiful because i wasn't them. and these photographs, these industries, the use of these rarely beautiful people only emphasizes this societal mind set.

so what i truly aim to do is photograph what the normal eye doesn't notice. the true beauty in a person. regardless of how they look. people often tell me my subjects are pretty and i just tilt my head in confusion and go, yeah - i guess they are!

i photograph my friends (or people i find fascinating). if you asked me if my friend was physically pretty i wouldn't know what to say. it's because i don't notice it. it don't care about it. i guess if i step back and really think about it, yeah i have pretty friends i guess. but it honestly doesn't matter at all to me, because i see them for who they are to me - and that is beautiful. as someone once put it, my friends and the people i love exist in a separate circle than the rest of the world that i may judge.

if i can capture honesty and personality and truth and "inner beauty" in my photos, i have succeeded. i don't think i'm there yet. i somewhat blame this on my sheltered life and abundance of school work the last two years for my photographic "lameness." but this is my goal and this is my purpose.

(but of course, i do cave in occasionally -hey i'm human- and dabble in solely aesthetic photos as well for practice (but i still kinda do stick to my mantra). but i'm starting to not like it as much. like the recent tyler and ellen photos were more on the aesthetic range and i don't like it as much as i love spontaneity)

i should probably include a photo....

zainab and i at NYU's weekend on the square. and i officially paid my deposit!!!! oh, and this year they only accepted 33 people into my program. :O

look what i found. "the great catsby" by f. scott whiskgerald.