well the point of a blog is to bitch and moan, right? commence!
i just.....i feel more confused than i had ever been. crossing RISD and RIT off my list of colleges seemed so sure a week ago....and then a couple days later i'm reading online opinions/reviews and then i get all confused again. i really don't want to fuck this college thing up. i really don't want to make a mistake.
but like everything else in life, a couple days later my mind cleared and i found solace in knowing: if i am truly good and know that i can make it...i will. no matter where i go i will find a way to make these dreams happen. it doesn't matter which college i go to. some will open some doors, and others will open others.
regardless of this semi-new found peace, i decided to try out lexi mire's self portrait therapy. and it works....quite well. i've also been experiencing a lot of frustration at my work. i see my portfolio as a whole and i'm like...THAT'S IT? i thought i did more than that...and then i look at other people's phenomenal photo streams and my confidence takes a dive, head first off the nearest two storied object.
school has been very nice to me and very easy in comparison to the workload of sophomore and junior year. it is no where close to as hard as it was, and i'm grateful. i've been spending my free time watching movies: i've watched fight club, v for vendetta, and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind this week.
NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM!!!
_________________________
so i tried out self portrait therapy and i like it. :D i was absolutely freezing today, snow was swirling around my while i took the photos. but after the initial shock...you don't feel cold anymore. it's a good numb.
needless to say though, my face was numb and so were my hands and ass so i went inside, changed into warm clothes, and cuddled up with my mom and sister on the couch to watch modern family.
after editing them, i realized i don't like them anymore, but here they are anyway. (do you ever get that feeling that when something is in camera and you're like DAMN THIS IS GONNA B GUD but then you try to edit it and it looks like shit? yeahhhhh)
these were fun to take but the final results were terrible. gah. i will try them another dayyy. i think the reason i don't like them is because they are too edited.
I'M GOING TO GO RAID THE FRIDGE.
hey i've been watching you on deviantart since forever and started reading your blog and read about your college problems. i've been having the same kind of trouble, first not being able to decide what to study, since i wasnt sure i actually wanted to go for illustration and not knowing if i was good enough for it. the other options are archaeology, english, biology, or just not studying at all and being a starving artist forever. i'm kind of running away from the confusion by travelling now but sooner or later i'll have to face it :) so i just wanted to let you know that if I with my mediocre drawing skills can even think about studying illustration you with your beautiful amazing photography can DEFINITELY be an amazing professional photographer too. i really hate this having to decide about what to spend the rest of your life with in this confusing way to small amount of time. but then if it doesn't work out you can always still go for something else. people go and study in all stages of life.
ReplyDeleteblabla sorry for the rant just ignore most of it and just know that i think youre awesome :) mhhm should i rewrite this and make it sound slightly less chaotic and creepy. um no sorry too lazy
elly: oooh, you're travelling right now? and i'm assuming you're my age? that's awesome!
ReplyDeleteaw, thank you for your kind words. and psh, i am sure you are fantastic at what you do!
sigh, i do as well. but we must make the first step sometime, right?
noooo, it's fine! i enjoyed reading it and i'm glad someone reads my rants as well XD thank you very much! <3 <3
hey julia! i'm a huge fan of your photography, are you planning to major in it? just curious :)
ReplyDeletej. hu: thank you so much!
ReplyDeletehm, it depends on which school i go to. but ideally, yes i would love to major in photography and combine it with something like psychology or biology. though, that's only in a perfect world so i will probably major in photography and take classes in science/literature for my own enjoyment.
Haha now that i wrote my first comment i feel kind of bad about not always commenting :) its like i've secretly stalked your life. i'm sorry. now you now i'm here :D
ReplyDeletewell i'm 19 just finished high school last year :D wow it is confusing to say last year it feels like this year. didnt have proper christmas and new years eve so 2011 isnt quite complete.
but whatever well i went travelling to find out what my life is gonna be about and just guess what i discovered? i still don't have a clue! :D maybe i'll just travel on forever. but then i'll be so happy to be home again and i also really want to learn something i just don't know what yet. i'm actually jealous of you because in your colleges if you want to you can just choose some random courses even if they don't have anything to do with each other (i hope that's right and it's not just my imagination) at home you have to decide for something and everything else is just suddenly out of reach.
sooo! :) maybe you should just completely forget about your career and go randomly travelling around and make hitchhiking races through the usa.
sorry i said that D: i hate it when people do that to me! but then you seem to be much less chaotic and lazy and more disciplined and talented than me so you will definitely be alright whatever you do :)
wow, i was not aware you could reply to comments!
Deletehaha, it's alright - but yay :D
don't be sorry :)
so besides risd are there any other art schools you are looking into? have you heard of the college Art Center college of design? its in pasadena, and there photography program is really good!
ReplyDeleteyes, i have! at the moment i aim to stay on the east coast though.
Deletei am applying to MICA & SAIC ( i decided to not apply to RISD) and i got accepted to SVA.
Ok, first and foremost: I really like your pictures, they've got somehow a message. But I can totally understand what you mean with editing them and then thinking "WTF".
ReplyDeleteAnd I can really know how you feel with your college problems. Maybe now, it's clearer for you but trust me, you're not alone with this problem. :)
thank you!
Deletehaha yeah....as long as i rant about my problems and sleep on it for a night, i usually know what course of action to take in the morning!
Girl, you are so relatable. I like that you struggle and you find your peace and then you struggle again, but you still push on and keep going. That attitude will get you places. :)
ReplyDeletethank you ari! XD i have never been one for luck, but rather hard work and lots of losing.
Deletebut i shouldn't be complaining, i have a very fortunate life!