summer blues

i am a creature of relaxation and chaos, to put it poetically. i love being busy. i love making lists and schedules and reaching my destination out of breath but ready to sit down with a nice cup of coffee. i love it when i make a busy day and i get everything done on time, it's so incredibly satisfying.

i also really enjoy spending a day sitting on my ass and doing nothing except winding down, watching shows on my laptop, editing photos, or reading. but to me, these days are sacred. when encountered in large quantities, instead of making me a happy little potato it actually gives me a case of the summer blues.

there are times when i feel sad and pretty empty because i'm stuck in my boring house in my boring town laying on my bed just scrolling endlessly through tumblr and looking up internship and awesome volunteering opportunities and things i won't get and all these people living their life and i'm young and just sitting here rotting. i told myself this summer i was going to read all the books, work on my photos, finish my portfolio, and culture myself with a bunch of movies. study another language even. but i'm just sitting here like a pile doing nothing and i can't even motivate myself to do nothing and it sucks. and i've taken little to no photos this summer.

there are days like this when i feel good. the weather is a perfect 75 degrees and the sun is setting behind the branches of the tall trees in my backyard. kira is next to me, sniffing around the grass and lounging by my feet. i've got a glass of iced tea next to me and i've got bastille blasting in the background. my mom's cooking a delicious dinner inside and i'm just happy.

i'm usually content after i get back from work. since i had been working all day, i don't feel bad at all just relaxing and blobbing around. but a whole day of just blobbing? nope. likewise, when i come back home on a weekend during the school year i love just laying around.

i work almost 5-6 days a week, and half of those days i work a double shift (lunch and dinner). it's hard to plan stuff with friends when we're all busy with work or internships and what not. since coming back from upstate, my other manager made the schedule so this week i'm only working five days a week but one shift per day so i've had a ton of free time. i've filled it up with movie and ice cream dates with claudia, more walking and hanging out with tyler, and last night i had a giddy funplex night with four of my good high school friends. (involving laser tag and go karting with pre-teens). i'm seeing jasmine later this weekend and my schedule is full and a full schedule is a happy julia.

honestly, i just have to light a fire under my ass and get up. drag myself outside and run a lap, go to the library and borrow some books, get out of my bed and try working in the backyard or on the kitchen table. i just need to remember that i have to motivate myself and that if i stay stationary for too long i'll vegetate.

so summer has been a half half kind of deal for me. half of the time is just pure boredom of doing nothing and not doing anything because i'm too tired from work to do things and see people. the other half is just blissful happiness at home.

random post with no photos, yeah. just writing down my MANY FEELINGSA BOUT LiFE and i just saw pacific rim and i'm in absolute love.